Writers Club Quotes of the Day
Writers Club Quotes are fuelled by fine food
The world is not getting worse, it is just that the news coverage is getting better.
Everything was so different before everything changed
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to cured by legislation. -- Thomas B. Reed (1886)
If everything seems to be going your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress? -- Gallagher
Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness", but it doesn't work. -- Gallagher
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
He started out with nothing and he still has most of it.
God put us here to accomplish something in our lifetimes. I am so far behind now, I'll never be able to die
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong -- Voltaire
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. -- Plato
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. -- Winston Churchill (one for womens week)
Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of thirty-five. -- Joel Hildebrand
The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas. -- Linus Pauling
If you eat a bowl of antipasto and then eat a bowl of pasta, are you still hungry?
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. -- Alex Levine
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. -- Dave Barry
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
A metaphor is like a simile.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office. -- Robert Frost
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. -- Stephen Wright
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
A day without coffee is like night. You sleep most of the time.
I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal through not dying. -- Woody Allen
Cuisine is something like food but the portions are smaller and the prices are higher. If the cuisine is French, then the waiter will insult you.
I've been dieting for a month, and all I've lost is 30 days.
All generalizations are false.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Why is it called it a building when it looks like it's finished. Shouldn't it be called a built?
Don't treat computers as though they were human; they hate it.
The only normal people are people you don't know very well
Anything worth doing is worth
getting someone else to do.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them
all yourself.
Cancer cures smoking.
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
A cynic smells the flowers and then looks for the casket.
If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Life is like a dog-sled team. If you arent the lead dog, the scenery never
changes
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Nonconformists are all alike.
I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to
you for the rest of the day.
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit
on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
-Albert Einstein
"I want to die sleeping peacefully, - like my grandma; not screaming with
horror, - like those, who were as passangers in her car."
The supreme irony of life is hardly anyone ever gets out of it alive."
-Robert Heinlein
"I think I'll believe in Gosh instead of God. If you don't believe in Gosh
too, you'll be darned to heck."
"There is no clearer manifestation of pure evil than teachers giving
assignments over holiday breaks."
-James Halloran
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We
might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
-Jack Handey
"Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a
conversation if it didn't change once in a while."
-Kin Hubbard
"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing
with the enemy."
-Henry Kissinger
"I just bought a used car. It's a convertible. You turn the key, and it
converts into a piece of crap."
Generally, people should be more specific
Schizophrenia can be treated. At least that's how I reassure myselves
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Can someone be a closet claustrophobic?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call
you first?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is
expanding, what is it expanding into?
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning, and you could only save one,
would you go to lunch or read the paper?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If it only takes one dollar a day to feed a child in Africa, why
does it take two dollars a day to lose weight with Jenny Craig?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Is there another word for "synonym"?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Why do skydivers wear helmets?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of its nose?
Can you imagine a world without hypothetical situations?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is animal shampoo tested on humans?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What happens if you get scared ½ to death twice?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections
Would vegetarians eat carrots if they had faces?
The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense. [Select]
Women would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
People are more opposed to fur than leather because rich ladies are easier to harass than bikers are.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately... it kills all its pupils. Hector Berlioz
"I'm crazy... But it keeps me
from going insane."
Jimmy Buffet
You can't act like a skunk without someone getting wind of it.- Lorene Workman
OPTIMISM - An optimist is someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made." Jean Giraudoux.
"It's not whether you win or lose; it's how you place the blame."
"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." Jerome K. Jerome.
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried."
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
"If at first you DO succeed, pretend you knew what you were doing !"
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese" Stephen Wright.
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance ?" Charlie McCarthy.
"Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."
"When the going gets tough, everyone leaves."
"My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely."
"Reality is whatever refuses to go away after I stop believing in it." Philip K. Dick.
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film." Stephen Wright.
"In a fight between you and the world, back the world." Franz Kafka (1883-1924)
"I think if I could turn my mind into some kind of amusement park ride, it would be really successful. It scares ME half the time and I know what's in it." R.M. Weiner
"He who laughs last thinks slowest !"
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others."
"For sincere personal advice and the correct time: phone any number at random at 3am."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some." Bumper sticker.
"If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from ?"
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts !"
"Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn." Attila the Hun.
"Never buy a pitbull from a one armed man."
"Thesaurus /nm./: a dinosaur with an excellent vocabulary."
"If indeed there's no such thing
as a stupid question, then how do you explain this one ?" Ed Smith.
they go on!!
